My Kundalini Story by Marja S

Kundalini
&
Liberating breathing
or Rebirthing

 

In august 1990, I came across an ad about a course in Liberating breathing, Rebirthing, in our newspaper. There was no explanation of what it was, but I became very curious. So I went to the information meeting where the Rebirther spoke a little about the method. She said that most people nowadays can't breath correctly and the breathwork would clean up the inner organs. One could also get rid of old mental "garbage" and the breathwork was good if one was stressed and had problems with relaxing. It sounded very good and interesting to me. Who doesn't want to learn how to relax in a stressed life?
Everything then happened very fast. I applied for the course. And after a very guiding "dream-experience", I also applied to train to become a Rebirther, which was to start two weeks later.
It was as if a "New World" was opening up for me. I had never heard of New Age, and didn't know that there was such an enormous variety of alternative methods, therapies and treatments. I felt like "the girl from the country who had come to the big city".
Strange things started to happen during my breathing exercises. (After a while, you enter an altered state of consciousness)

There was a "blockage" there, the Rebirther told me.
During a session, which I did alone, I experienced that I became totally paralysed and I couldn't move. After I had calmed down my breathing a bit, I thought that it would get better. But after a while I felt something unpleasant around me. I felt threatened. When I opened my eyes I saw how grey shadow-beings gushed in through the closed window and through the wall. They wanted to possess me, I felt. I was terrified. Incapable of moving, I could not do anything but scream to them to disappear. I wept and prayed to God to help me, even though I - at that time - did not have a good relation and faith to Him/Her. I had grown up in an environment where God was seen as the "punisher".)
I don't know, how much time passed in this horrible condition, but finally I saw how they were drawn back and I could crawl up to a sitting position.
I felt very bad for many weeks after this, and I heard strange high cracking sounds in my apartment and snaps in my windows. The thought came to me:what about if one can go mad of exercises like this? I think this thought never really left me, and I am thankful today, because I never could totally do as they said during the training: "Let go of your control, and let it happen what will happen, you will never get more than you can handle." I now know, that is not true! You shall never ever let go of your control!
I was very frightened, but I accepted the explanation from my Rebirther that I had not fulfilled my breathing session, which I should have. (!!!) Today I know that the noises are called poltergeist phenomenon, and one can be possessed by deceased beings. Those who die are not all "angels"!(Books to read: "The unquiet dead" by Edith Fiore, and "The Third Testament" by Martinus)

I continued my training.
All strange things that happened in Liberating breathing were called "blockages", "body-memories", and "traumas" from childhood or from birth. And all this, one could be released from, the more Liberating breathing one did! One could even experience one's own birth, they said, in a breathing session, which I found difficult to believe - until it happened to me.

Clients and their experiences.

I became an enthusiastic advocate of Liberating breathing, and began to take clients. There were many positive things that happened as a result of Liberating breathing, like for instance:

Clarity in capacity for thinking made it easier to work through problems. One also came into contact with repression and old memories from one's childhood, and so on.
I felt discomfort to hear, as had been mentioned briefly in the training, that one could have spiritual experiences in Liberating breathing, Rebirthing, and I did not mention it to my clients. I had also learnt that I influenced my clients with my energies, and they could not go further if I had not got rid of my own blockages. For me, Liberating breathing was good for the body, period!

My clients began to have spiritual experiences. One after another. The first one, got into contact with "Somebody" who gave him guidance. He was dizzy, and said that now I know from where the ancient prophets got their information".
And there came more clients.
I became known as the leading "Rebirther for spiritual experiences", by my colleagues.

Suddenly I begun experiencing a presence of an unseen divine "Something" or "Somebody", when I sat beside my clients. I felt it was positive and safe. It felt as if this "Someone" wanted something of me, and insisted on attention. Finally I said: "OK, if You exist, then guide me!"
Then an education begun, which was so obvious, that I could not ignore it. It often came as experiences at night. It was not dreams in the usual sense, but information and answers to questions I asked.
I began to have doubts about whether it was right to play with the forces and energies, as I began to understand what was within (and outside) man. I also began to hear rumours that people had become psychotic as a result of Liberating breathing.
One of my clients had an experience that she "burst" into tiny atoms out into the universe, in a breathing session. This experience was so gruesomely painful and scary that her three very difficult deliveries were bagatelles compared with this.
Another of my clients had a divine experience, and in the session after that she begun to levitate (rise) from the bed with the upper part of the body. At the same time she rattled and gasped for breath as if she was dying. (I later found out from my Indian books, that she had already started a kundalini arousal in her third session - this was her tenth - and she actually could have died!) Other side effects had been enormous heat and she respired a lot. Sometimes she even had fever the day following a session.
All these happenings led to a phone call to one of my teachers. He calmed me down, and told me that no one could get hurt or "die" of Liberating breathing. I had heard about an Indian force called kundalini, which had to do with the heat and the coldness in our body, and these kinds of experiences were common in Liberating breathing.

Could these experiences have to do with this energy?
He confirmed that it could be, and if it was the kundalini energy it was nothing but positive. I wanted to know more about this "kundalini-phenomena"! Then he suggested that I go with him on his yearly trip to India.
"Sure", I said although I had never ever had any fancy or longing to go to India, "but I don't have the money!" There were a few months before the time of the journey, but he sent me travel information nonetheless.


To India.


Then strange things began to happen.
Wherever I went, I met people who just had come back from India.
If I changed channel in TV, there was something from India, and so on. Then I said to this "Someone", if there is some reason for me to go to India, I will do it, but You have to give me money because I have none!
Two weeks before the period of the registration for the journey expired, a lot of money plumped down in my letterbox. I apparently should go to India!
It seemed to be a very important journey to me. I bought a lot of books about kundalini, which I back home read with great interest.
My first attitude was positive. To be enlightened and wise was something that tempted me. And that there might be small "occasional disturbances" on the way, one should not be frightened of, because these were part of the great change one went through on the way to initiation, I could read in some books. I received an explanation for my own and my clients' experiences, symptoms and strange reactions.
But in other books my misgivings were confirmed. One could go mad and even die of this kundalini energy!

The Cosmology enters into my life

But during my training I had come into contact with books by a Danish man named Martinus, who had recently "passed over", and they had shaken my basis.
He described the whole human development from animal to human, and at the same time he mixed God into all this as something that was the ultimate Love. We aren't yet real human beings, but through our experiences of suffering, the compassionate and humane side in us will develop, and finally we will stand there complete and be perfect beings of love, according to him.
Much of what he wrote I could also find in Indian literature, but a lot of what he described in a spiritual-scientific and logical way wasn't to be found in the Indian God-picture. It wasn't complete.
Martinus warned in his books, Livets Bog I-VII, "The Book of Life", The Third Testament, against yoga, deep meditation, channeling and on the whole against pottering with artificial exercises to reach cosmic consciousness, which actually is the goal of all the eastern methods. Not everyone is aware of these secret purposes. For this reason many "short circuits" occur in the nervous system, when we come into a too early contact with higher cosmic energies.
Furthermore, he writes that there is no longer anyone who has the primal knowledge, it disappeared with the last initiated long time ago. This is actually not the way which will give us wisdom and cosmic consciousness. It will come naturally only when we have learnt to be a joy and blessing for the whole - consequently when we can love everything and everybody without exception and totally impartially.
I have already written briefly about this in my article "Concerning Eastern methods".

Studies and Research.


For ten years I have been studying and searching full time for the answers to this subject of "kundalini". What I found alarmed me. Most people have no idea what kind of energies we are playing with. I have written briefly about this in "Pitfalls on the spiritual road"
I have received hundreds of letters from people who have had negative effects from practising spiritual exercises. Many of these stricken persons have wished to commit suicide, and many actually have.
I can't go into all this here, but I know one thing: I nowadays advise against all kinds of spiritual exercises!
The fraudulent thing is that these exercises often give very positive effects in the beginning, and this state can be ongoing for many years. But then in a fraction of a second this well being can change to a real hell. If one has opened up for a higher cosmic energy, nothing can stop it! It burns in the body or one becomes psychotic and will be a constant guest at the psychiatric clinics, or locked in for good.
Would this be the way to be as "man in God's image", which we all - without exception - shall gradually become?
A woman, who was practicing TM-meditation, said to me that she couldn't understand why she was treated like a sick and psychotic person here in the west when she would be considered as "glorified by God" in India. She wanted to dance around naked when she was ecstatic, but then the ecstasy changed to a deep depression, and she wanted to die. She oscillated between these two conditions.
Have we not again made God to the "image of man" - a mad man - who one has to lock in???


The Final Decision


Since 1995, I have quit all spiritual exercises, except praying and reading Livets Bog, "The Book of Life" The Third Testament, and other literature about energies in man.
I made my final decision when a colleague called me about one of her clients. She told me that the client had had a scary experience in a breathing session and she was not able to get in contact with him after the finished session. He was confused afterwards and wanted to quit the breathing sessions.
He came to me and told me about his experience.
When he should start relaxing after the breathing session, he suddenly saw inside him, a dark-blue sky with lots of stars. These stars drew together below his navel and shot away with him like a rocket through his body right out into the universe. "There was only me", he said. He came back to his body, but exploded back again and again. He had to use his utmost will power to take himself from this terrible situation. He didn't remember that the Rebirther was talking to him afterwards. He felt unwell and had a headache.
He had burst the membrane that we have, according to Martinus, in the brain and which shall be opened gradually through many lives when we begin to be ready for "the great birth", as he calls it.
I found later a warning in an Indian book. Kundalini can explode if one does breathing exercises at high altitudes, in the Himalayas for instance. Well, it happens here in Sweden.
Since 1995 I have been a contact person for Kundalini Network & Information in Sweden.
I have been writing articles about the "kundalini phenomenon", and they are now published on the Internet. I receive mail daily from unhappy people. Some of them understand that they have to stop their efforts, whatever they practice. Some can't. They discover that they have become dependent. Others want to go on, hoping their dreams will come true. They believe in the yogis from the East. There is no one to help these suffering people, not even in India. Not even Gopi Krishna could find anyone to help him.
Man is an electric being, and the sooner she can learn her psychic and physical structure the better, Martinus writes. It is the most necessary knowledge in her progress to becoming a human being.
People who have experienced a real kundalini arousal, agree easily with this. They say it is like high electric voltage has passed through the body. You can read about this in my article "Pitfalls on the spiritual road".
I am happy today not having been stricken as badly as many others have. I just got only so much that I could realise in time to stop.

My Experiences

Here below are some of my experiences in Liberating breathing. Some are positive, some I would like to be without.

These experiences have not given me cosmic consciousness, and I don't think I would have got it either if I had continued with the exercises. On the contrary, I don't think my heart would have been able to bear these energies. One colleague of mine got some ecstasy experiences - cosmic orgasms - in his breathing sessions. He has now had electric shock treatement to his heart in hospital to get the heartbeat back to normal. It didn't work.
The same often happens with people who meditate or do yoga or other kinds of breathing exercises, and even causing disturbance to the respiratory organ. It is the automatic function, according to Martinus, that gets disturbed and which it has taken many lives to get to work with the perfection that it has today.
All these symptoms which I have enumerated are common to whichever eastern method one practices. They are all the same.
I am, as I said, not among the hardest stricken, but I got enough to understand others, and to know what they are talking about.
There are so many myths about kundalini. One is, you will not get cancer if you have a kundalini arousal. It is not true.

The more books, Western or Eastern, one reads about kundalini, the more confused one will be. All of the authors have their own point of view, and all of them think that just he or she has the right truth.
If one discusses chakras with a group of individuals who have got knowledge from New-Age inspired books, they all have different, varying opinions about the functions of chakras. They haven't read the same author!

It is my definite opinion that no one any longer has the right knowledge. An Indian former yogi, Maharaja Rabindranath, has written an enlightenment book: "Death of a Guru". He warns people against practicing eastern exercises.
Another book I can recommend is "Among mystics and magicians in Tibet" (this is the Swedish title) by Alexandra David-Néel.
Even C. G. Jung warned against eastern methods, which I have written about in my article "Pitfalls…". The eastern exercises are not for the westerners.

When one opens up the braincells, that we do not yet use, it can pop and crack considerably!
Martinus describes that there was a terrific cracking in his head after the "baptism of fire" that he underwent (which I quote a small part of in "Concerning….") when all his brain-cells were opened. He was however mature enough for this, but we are not.
We can meditate if we have the right spiritual attitude, Martinus writes. Meditating to him means "to sit down and think about God". One should not lose one's control and go into deep-meditation or trance. One should neither repeat a lot of unknown words or "mantras", because one doesn't know who one is "inviting in one's abode".

I don't give any advice to anyone to go on with their artificial exercises, on the contrary I Sadvise against them, decidedly.
The way, which often is forgotten in all New-Age inspired teachings, is the way of karma-yoga. This way is entirely safe and without risks and it is: To train oneself to do good, to be a joy and blessing for the whole, and try to learn to love one's neighbour.
This is the highest form of yoga, which certainly leads to cosmic consciousness, according to Martinus.
This way is nowadays my way.

Alice Bailey; "Initiation, Human and Solar - Chapter XIX":

"The applicant who misuses knowledge, who indulges in such practices as "breathing for development," or concentrating upon the centers, will inevitably fail in his endeavor to reach the portal, and will pay the price in his body by the appearance of insanity, of neurasthenic conditions, and various physical ills."

-------------------------------------------------

Alice Bailey; "From Intellect to Intuition -The Practice of Meditation":

"A Doctor of Divinity and pastor of a large church wrote me not long ago that he had been taking [222] breathing exercises, with the idea of improving his health, from a teacher who had come to his city. The result of his well-intentioned ignorance was that he opened up the inner hearing in the psychic sense. He said in his letter to me, "As I write to you upon my typewriter I can hear all sorts of voices and words and sounds which are not physical. I cannot stop them and I fear for my mind. Won't you please tell me what I ought to do to tune them out?" During the past ten years, many hundreds of people have come to me, asking for help, owing to the effects of indiscriminate following of the advice of teachers of breathing. They are quite desperate and frequently are in a serious psychic condition. Some we can help. Some few for whom we can do nothing end in asylums for the insane or in sanatoriums for the unbalanced. Much experience of these cases leads me to sound this warning, for in the majority of cases of uncontrolled psychic troubles, the cause is breathing exercises.
In the ancient teachings of the East, the control of the breath was only permitted after the first three "means to union," as they are called, had been somewhat wrought out in the life. These "means" are: First, the five commandments. These are, harmlessness, truth to all beings, abstention from theft, from incontinence, and from avarice. Second, the five rules, which are internal and external purification, contentment, fiery aspiration, spiritual reading, and devotion. Third, right poise. When a person is harmless in thought and word and deed, [223] when he is unselfish and knows the meaning of poise - emotional as well as physical posture - then indeed he may practice breathing exercises, under proper instruction, and practice them with security. Even then he will only succeed in unifying the vital energies of the body, and in becoming a conscious psychic, but this may have its place and purpose, if he classes himself as a research experimenter.
Failure to conform to the necessary preliminary steps has landed many a worthy investigator in trouble. It is dangerous for an emotional and weak person to take breathing exercises in order to hasten development, and any teacher who seeks to teach these exercises to large groups, as is frequently done, is laying up trouble for himself and his followers. It is only here and there that, in the ancient days, the teachers picked a man for this form of tuition, and it was added to a training which had produced a certain measure of soul contact, so that the soul could guide the energies evoked by the breath for the furtherance of its objectives and for world service."

With Warm Cosmic Greetings
Marja S

Envelope

Back to Personal Stories

Kundalini main page
Back to Kundalini
Main Page