by
Ralph N. Dunniehigh II

I began meditating about 4 years ago. I had recently fallen away from my religion, and felt a deep void and meaninglessness. I came across a website called Osho.com. It speaks of the words of an Enlightened master. He gives different techniques. He describes meditation as something that happens when in the joy of a given movement. This can be dancing or watching the stars at night, or being with flowers etc.
At first, it was great. I began to change, inside and out. I'm telling
you, even my physical appearance was different. My eyes...
I became like the classic spiritualist-frail, beautiful, and totally
reliant.
My attraction to those of the opposite sex became unparalleled. It was as if all of this vibrant energy could be seen on me.

Then, in a moment, everything went wrong...
I became too weak, my whole entire body. Any and everything could penetrate me. Sounds, vibrations, etc.
I could feel everything. I needed to be alone. I thought that the only way that I could possibly survive would be to do as the yogis of past, and travel to a remote area. I thought of this whole thing as a process on the road to enlightenment.
Things kept happening to me, very metaphysical. I felt guided
by experiences and answered questions of my soul. Things would vibrate around me at times. Flashes of light. Even at one time, I could pull with the womb area of my body (I am a man), and I could make the fish begin to jump in the lake!!!
Everyone thought I had gone mad. I could barely stand up in front of a person. I felt so much more at home in the woods, than anywhere else in the world...

Anyway, I've got too many fantastic stories to tell. The problem is resolution.
Now I feel very destroyed. When in public, my whole body twitches. I carry so much tension with me that it carries to others. My awareness of others can be felt by the other person, and it is interpreted as fear or perverse sexuality emerging from me.
I've been for MRI's, etc. with no results. I've contacted spirit resource centers with no results.
I have trouble in a regular daily conversation. I feel like my body is somewhere between total relaxation, and total rigidity. At times the whole being tenses, the breath stops, and the energies release from my body. I haven't been able to control it.

I've stopped meditating, and at 24 years old, I'm ready to live. I've lost 4 years to meditation.

Luv and Peace,

Ralph