Vipassana Meditation

 

Vipassana Meditation

The lights I was seeing were too many

I am Indian origin, but am living in Germany since I was 9.
When 21 I visited India, as Iwas interested in the meditation techniques.
I was practising taichi and aikido, and saw the energy work there and wanted to know more about mediation.
In India I visited Poona, where the Osho center is, and saw the effects of all those meditations which were quite positive. Afterwards I stayed in a yoga ashram with meditations, because I wanted to try a more silent mediation. After doing pranayama I noticed feeling very high and I could stimulate the forehead center, but I also noticed that my nose also felt very vulnerable.
The meditations were although only sitting in silence and noticing your breath, very strong and I could not speak afterwards, as I felt as if I would be in another dimension. After a while I wanted to get higher in the feelings and my body and things related to it, felt like a burden.
In those months I was meditating about 6 hours a day.

Then I went to a meditation centre called Vipassana.

The meditation went to 10 hours a day.
The method of meditating was to concentrate on the air one breaths in the nose area, trying to make the area smaller and subtler for 3 days.
The rest of the days one concentrates on one part of the body till one feels a sensation and then goes to the next part till one has done the whole body. Then one starts again.

In the beginning it was strong but not negative.
I was feeling all kind of emotions since I was a baby, sometimes laughing, sometimes crying.
But then the last 2 days I lost control. The pictures came and went so fast that I couldn't recognize, there was so much information that I coudn't grasp, and I was feeling dizzy. I had the feeling of seeing things I didn't see in this life, also being in the womb.
The lights I was seeing were too many, then in meditation I was like seeing a hole in which everything, my personality was falling in.
Then I stopped, and in the next 10 minutes I noticed a throbbing in my head, tinnitus, and feeling dizzy and like the whole world became a nightmare. Every person I saw was felt like a pain and much too intimate.
Since then I tried everything to get this state away, stopped meditation, eating meat, smoking and going to all kind of healers.
This all is 5 years ago, and I have stabilize myself and accepted the fact that all this will take very long to heal. Since then I have headaches if one can call it so, tinnitus, and all kind of uncontrolled sensations. Heartbeat is very fast, and in the beginning I was scared to death, as every impression was too rough.

Uday